The Stink Pig

So, as promised, my rant on Alcide. I should warn you – this is the one character I really hate. It was not helped by me reading a fanfic about a Mary Sue who was Eric’s bit on the side, while the author hated on Sookie and made her put up with his flagrant mistreatment by saying it was all Sookie’s fault for sleeping with Bill. The nerve! So on top of my simmering anger at Sookie haters, there’s also my bottomless hatred and rage at Alcide.

I hate him like burning. I can’t even read fanfic where he is featured as a main character – I just hate him to the point that I can’t review him fairly. I get accused in comments here of hating on Eric – but they haven’t seen what my hatred looks like. If Eric was a real being, I would probably just steer clear of him, barring the urge to ask questions about history until he threatened to drain me. I would admire his politics from a far, and if feeling kind, would give a small head nod to a fellow manipulator, and good politician. If Alcide was a real being, I would have to resist the urge to go round to his house and attempt to gut him like a fish.

I just don’t give Eric a free pass to act like a dick – that doesn’t help Sookie at all. Nor does it help with the whole character analysis and prediction – where would I be now if I really thought (and I never did) that Eric would be as sweet as pie and want to stay with Sookie forever upon regaining his memories? In unhappy lala land, that’s where – raging that CH “ruined” Eric to sell more books or something. Alcide? I find it hard to find more than the shawl, and his sister Janice to be anything to redeem him – and that’s not much. Failing to act like a dick is not something I think is worthy of praise, and that’s just about the best thing I can think of to say about him. My favourite Alcide scenes are the ones where he doesn’t show up, or call, or cause any problems for Sookie and she doesn’t think about him.

Firstly, to his appearance. Let’s make it clear here where I never really got why Alcide would be liked by anyone…ever. That his motivation for appearing in the narrative in the first place:

That’s not a hard thing, taking a pretty woman to Jackson and out barhopping.
Now that I’ve met you, I’m glad to do it, to get my father out from under the debt.

Club Dead, p. 60

Now, the more we’ve gotten to know Alcide, the more I’ve hated on him for this. Because his family – at this time – owned an apartment in Jackson, a business of surveyors, a house in Shreveport, and as we find out in Deadlocked, some nice farmland somewhere in the Boondocks. Alcide himself owned a condo in Shreveport. Don’t tell me they couldn’t have sold an apartment to get out from under the debt. They’re typical upper-middle class arseholes who got out of a gambling debt very cheaply. As I will later assert, Alcide didn’t fucking do much.

On top of that, his original thoughts about having to escort a fangbanger to Jackson. Oh yeah, like that’s a tough job that you’d hate. Two or three days of inconvenience with some girl who didn’t worship at your feet, but rather was wholly in love with a vampire. That would be a terrible trauma for a wolf. Even if she was Janella-grade-gone then that wouldn’t exactly be a big problem. Other than having vampire cooties in your house.

Well, you might say, if you like the stink pig, he was worried about risking his father’s business and his own livelihood. So might he have been, but he was projecting his anger at his father being the actual cause onto some chick he hadn’t met yet. Alcide has been around long enough to know – like Quinn – that the vampires will do anything they can to get weres into debt so that they can screw them over and own their arses – and they use fangbangers just as bad. In fact, it’s thanks to this little deal that he’s not one of the weres being ordered around the state thanks to Felipe’s new deal that Sheriffs can order shifters and weres around if they work for them. In case it slipped your memory, this one:

“And the ‘new rule’ applies only to wereanimals
who are associated with us in a business way.”

Dead and Gone, p. 40

So Eric could have had Alcide sent out of the state if Alcide hadn’t done this. Considering how fucked-over Quinn was – fighting in the pits for two years for a commensurate debt involving the disposal of some bodies – then Eric really let him off lightly.

Of course, the bit that grinds my gears most about the deal is that he didn’t even provide any protection, and just brought into Sookie’s life a whole deal of shit to deal with. I sincerely believe that if there were no werewolves in Sookie’s story, and the stupid Long Tooth pack was blasted to hell, that Sookie’s life would be a helluva lot simpler. But I’ll get onto that. Technically, Alcide sticks to the very, very cosy deal Eric made with him:

“So, to get the marker back, I have to help you
hang around with the vamps in Jackson.”

Club Dead, p. 60

That alone wouldn’t have been a problem for me. I understand that Eric had to do a cosy deal because he was afraid of the Queen’s torture, and thus made a desperation deal that was very cheap for Alcide. But in the context that Alcide uses this deal to gain considerable advantage to his pack, I consider that he hasn’t actually paid anything for this little favour. On the contrary, he’s got a whole heap of advantage out of it. And when it comes to protecting Sookie from bad stuff – violence and fall out from the shit he involves her in – Alcide is nowhere to be found.

One of the first sources of trouble that Alcide brings into Sookie’s life when we first meet him is Debbie Pelt. And it’s not as if he takes burning a hole through Sookie’s shawl as a warning. And of course, it means that his gift of the shawl to Sookie doesn’t mean dick. It was his crazy ex-girlfriend who did it. He’s just covering Debbie’s arse and making up for her like always. Now, of course, it was Sookie who started the whole Debbie jealousy thing – but Alcide never tried to curb Debbie’s violent instincts – he only encouraged it – even though Sookie’s injuries kept piling up.

Throughout Club Dead, Alcide is happy to let Debbie Pelt off the hook for any and all injuries she causes Sookie. He makes excuses for Debbie – and himself for liking Debbie – a mile long. First we have his oh-so-wonderful reassurance that Debbie’s just a sweet thing:

“Debbie’s mean and she can cause trouble, but she’s never killed anyone,”
Alcide said. “She doesn’t have the, the…grit for it, the sand. The will to kill.”

Club Dead, p. 280

Might I point out that this is after Debbie has summarily dropped Sookie into a car trunk? Even if Alcide believed her bullshit story that she didn’t know Bill was in the trunk – meaning that Alcide has to want to believe such trash – then dropping a woman into a car trunk in the middle of Winter ain’t hardly some nice thing to do. In truth, even if Sookie had been alone in the car trunk, she would have easily ended up dying due to lack of heat and air:

“I never fell asleep, but I drifted into an odd state of suspension.
This was mostly due to the cold, I expect. Even with the quilted
jacket and the blanket, it was very cold in the trunk.

Club Dead, p. 222

It wasn’t Alcide that scooped Sookie out of the trunk – it was Eric. Alcide didn’t seem to give a shit about Sookie, or where she was. Last time he’d seen her prior, she’d been staked. And apparently that made him desperate for Debbie. Alcide apologises to Sookie for not being able to stay with her in the bar when he changed, but that’s beside the point. The next morning when he woke up in post-Debbie slumber, he doesn’t seem to have been concerned that the last time he saw Sookie, she was laying, gravely wounded on a bar-room floor. And he knows that Debbie knows that too – because they met up:

He’d spent part of last night with Debbie, all right.
Club Dead, p. 227

Can’t tell me Debbie didn’t even think to ask, since she was quizzing Janice about Sookie. So Debbie knew she was already injured, and didn’t know if she’d been fixed completely, and still chucked her in a car trunk. I’m betting Alcide suspects that – and Debbie couldn’t have failed to find out about it, since so many shifters were in the bar when it happened. Of course, like Sookie, I believe Debbie knew. You don’t just sneak up on someone and push them into a car trunk without noticing what they’re looking at. She figured that would get rid of her rival, and that’s what she wanted. On top of that, Alcide knows it was Debbie who pushed Sookie into the trunk:

“Know who pushed me in the trunk and slammed it shut?” I asked Alcide.
Club Dead, p. 229

What’s his first action knowing that his ex-girlfriend is so malicious – seeing Sookie while she was being revived, the damage Bill did to her, the very fact that pouring TruBlood down into someone’s gullet doesn’t guarantee their survival, does the stink pig think maybe he should stop pitting his murderous, malicious girlfriend against Sookie, who seems to come off worse off every single time? Well no, this is when Alcide thinks it’s a good idea to ratchet up the tensions so Debbie will pay more attention to him:

“He just told this woman how good you are in bed,” Bill murmured gently.
Club Dead, p. 236

So he truly knows exactly what Debbie is capable of at this stage. That she’ll push someone into the trunk of a car, hoping they what? If one believes Debbie then just freeze and suffocate in said car trunk. If one knows Debbie is a dirty rotten liar, then push the girl into the trunk with a guy she once tortured. This is the point where Alcide thinks it’s a brilliant plan to keep throwing Sookie under the bus so that Debbie will cling harder to him, show him how possessive she is. If Sookie gets hurt along the way, well, at least Alcide’s getting what he wants, right?

But surely he has a measure of her true character thanks to this, right? Oh no – that’s where even believing Debbie’s little story that’s how he defines a “decent person”:

“But why would any decent person join in torture?”
<snip>
“And of course, she tried to kill Sookie,” Bill said.
Dead to the World, p. 220

So knowing what Debbie did to Sookie, Alcide thinks she’s a fucking decent person? Oh, you have got to be kidding me. And that’s to say nothing of all the other shit that went down under Alcide’s watchful eye. All the crap heaped on Sookie by other weres, and the stink pig too much of a moral coward to say shit:

“Vamp humper,” she said.
I’d had worse things said about me, but not to my face,
and not from people who intended me to hear them.

Dead to the World, p. 184

The best Alcide can muster at that is that when Eric tries to tear something off Amanda, Alcide has the gall to look appalled that Sookie is in fact, fucking Eric. Because Alcide only sticks his dick in the most pristine and moral of decent people. People who, after they chuck you in a car trunk and half kill you, have the “decency” to say shit like this:

“Bye, bitch,” Debbie said, as I went out the door. I caught a
glimpse of Alcide turning to her, his expression appalled,….

Dead to the World, p. 186

I bet he held that expression all the time his were friends were looking at him, and professed love and fealty to Debbie by the time they got in his car. Seriously – that appalled reaction didn’t last long, because he toted her the very next night to the meeting where he abdured her. So Alcide might play at being offended, but he isn’t really. He might say he cares about Sookie, but the stink pig kept inviting Debbie around into Sookie’s company, kept pulling this shit long after he should have stopped.

When you like someone, you shouldn’t let someone else say all kinds of nasty shit to them. You shouldn’t play the shocked and appalled guy and keep inviting her around for repeat performances. All of this when he’s essentially talking out of his arse about what he’d do for Sookie:

“I wouldn’t have introduced her to you if I wouldn’t give my blood for her.”
Dead to the World, p. 102

I’m betting that “giving his blood” actually means to guarantee her truthfulness, rather than any genuine meaning of “I would die for her”. No, because it’s abundantly clear that Alcide won’t even fucking protect Sookie from his own goddamn girlfriend, let alone put himself out for her. I mean, Debbie has tried to kill Sookie already – however much Alcide swears she didn’t mean it – and he’s still fine with Debbie and any other arsehole were saying what they want to say to Sookie in his presence. And then shows his concern by inviting Sookie’s wannabe killer into her company again and again…and again and againandagain. Maybe hoping she finishes Sookie off, but really, not giving a shit.

But then, that’s what overall, makes Alcide a shithole of the first order. The fact that while he doesn’t give a shit if Sookie lives or dies, and can’t get enough balls to stand up for her to his abusive girlfriend, he’s too busy trying to use her for the good of his Pack. Colonel Flood may have named her a Friend of the Pack, but guess which zero-fucks-given arsehole suggested she get signed up for it:

“Sookie should be named a friend of the pack.”
Dead to the World, p. 104

Sing me the wonderful benefits being friend of the fucking pack gives you. Oh wait. There are none. Being friend of the pack pulls you into a whole pile of shit and obligates you to do stuff, but it doesn’t actually manifest benefits. Here’s one of the things it obligates you to do – see the bounteous benefits of this system:

“Since he got shot on my account, your pack doesn’t owe me a damn thing.”
<snip>
“That’s not for you to decide, but us,” he said chidingly.
“You’re summoned to the contest for the packleader.”

Dead as a Doornail, p. 249

You don’t get a say in your own justice, and what goes on in pack decisions, and you have to turn up for stupid contests for packmaster to watch people fight, kill each other and then fuck. I mean, seriously. And what did the pack “owe” her here? Well, they gave her bupkiss for this “favour”. Dawson got shot, and all of a sudden, he’s part of the Long Tooth pack, but Sookie doesn’t actually benefit? What the hell did she get out of that?

One of the other things that drives me around the bend about Alcide is that he co-opts the work of other weres for his pack and their prestige. Dawson the lone wolf gets shot for Sookie in Dead as a Doornail. Who takes credit for it? Fucking Long Tooth pack. Yet it was Calvin who can actually take the credit for that one – wholly and solely:

“Told me to finish out my last day by watching over you,” Dawson said.
Dead as a Doornail, p. 246

So Dawson isn’t a member of the Long Tooth pack, is being paid by Calvin, and yet here Alcide is making it out like the weres of Shreveport had some sort of claim over what Dawson did – and it’s therefore up to them to decide what happens? I think that this was one of the many times Alcide is just plain old lying to Sookie about what “friend of the pack” actually means. Because “friend of the pack” is a fucking misnomer if you ask me. At least Eric and the vampires don’t have the sheer gall to make out like Sookie is their “friend” – they make it quite clear – it’s obey them or get killed. You don’t want to go to Fangtasia? Rest assured some hired goons will come and force you to go. You don’t feel like going to Dallas? Tough shit – as Eric says “We have loaned you out” – as a possession of Bill’s. At least the vampires don’t frame it in such terms as “friend” – you’re a tool to them, and whatever else it is, it’s good to know where you stand.

The very idea of friend of the pack is passive aggressive in nature. It certainly doesn’t come with benefits. In fact, being friend of the pack doesn’t even give you any rights to protection:

Alcide said, “You should take Sookie home. She’s tired.”
Quinn put his arm around me and pulled me to his side.
“When we’ve received your assurance that the pack will
get to the bottom of this unprovoked attack, we’ll leave.”

Definitely Dead, p. 113

So it wasn’t until Quinn threatened these arseholes and in Bill’s words “challenged” them with his own strength, that they resolved to actually do something about the fact that a “friend” of their pack was attacked by weres in their own area. And notice how the stink pig tried to weasel out of any obligation of the pack to do something by trying to play the passive aggressive card of “You’re not caring for your woman” to Quinn? He would have known what Quinn wanted, why he brought Sookie there, and in order to be a stand-up guy, the coward tries to make sure his pack doesn’t have to do anything about the obligation they have.

All of the Sandra Pelt stuff stems from Sookie’s time with Alcide, and the events that unfolded from that time. Including this attack in Shreveport. Do the pack ever actually investigate like Quinn asks them to? Do they “get to the bottom of this unprovoked attack” as Quinn requested? Fuck no. These are Long Tooth wolves. They just kill the attackers, problem fucking solved. Except it’s not, of course, because Sandra keeps sending other Weres to attack them. This to me – the fact that they were challenged, asked to investigate and do their duty to a friend of the pack and didn’t – speaks to the contempt they generally have for Sookie. They’ll kill the attackers, because the bitten weres in jail are a present threat to Sookie…oh no, wait! They’re a threat to the secretive existence of weres everywhere, and an incursion onto Long Tooth territory – fuck Sookie, amirite?

Even though another shifter called them to account about what they had to do as an obligation, they still managed to skate on the whole thing, and only do what was in their best interests. And that’s all they ever do. In fact, you can tell how well they think of Sookie in private, out of her hearing, thanks to this:

“If you need me for anything, just come to the door.” I smiled at all of them.
Annabelle thought,
Not effing likely, Blondie.
“But you might need the phone,” I said to her, and she jumped.

<snip>
He was saying, “I told you she was telepathic,” to Annabelle…
Dead in the Family, pp. 47-48

You think Alcide told his pack that they should have respect for a friend of the pack? I sure don’t. Not if his girlfriend was so contemptuous and openly scornful. And that’s quite apart from the fact that Alcide’s pack members don’t seem to generally respect a “friend of the pack” – from Patrick Furnan having contempt for Sookie and accusing her of leading on Calvin, and implying she was a slut playing with fire to Alcide being quite happy to accept someone who had killed a friend of the pack in another pack:

Basim wanted to pay off the debt he owed for
killing a human who was a friend of the pack.

Dead in the Family, p. 290

This shit is what Alcide volunteered Sookie for – what he pressed Colonel Flood to grant Sookie, while she was helping him and his pack keep their territory. A friend of the pack is a fucking misnomer if ever I’ve heard one. Should be rightfully called “The Pack Horse” – as in, someone the pack uses when they can’t do it themselves, and would like to break someone else’s back, instead of their own.

Rather than treat Sookie as an asset that they can’t exactly fucking replace any time soon, they treat her worse than vampires do – and let me say, that is quite something.  Too busy with saving his family business and trying to reclaim his crappy girlfriend, and then too focused on making sure a Herveaux is leading the Shreveport pack – be it father or son – Alcide uses Sookie and doesn’t really give two shits if she makes it out alive. In fact, even though he truly believes Debbie did awful stuff to Sookie:

“She let you get raped,” Alcide said harshly.
Dead as a Doornail, p. 67

to the point that he has to bring up a rape he didn’t give a shit about when it happened, and yet, here he is, leaving her out of dangerous were business that could get her hurt and killed unlike last time…no….wait…:

“She was already dead to me.” I didn’t believe that for a minute.
“But you thought it would be a big deal to me, and you
concealed it. I figure you’d guess you owed me.”
If I’d had a gun in my purse, I would’ve been tempted to pull it out then.
“I don’t owe you squat,” I said. “I think you came to get me in your
dad’s car because you knew I’d drive away once you said that.

Dead as a Doornail, pp. 88-89

So he professes to believing that Sookie was raped as a result of Debbie’s actions. Great. Oh – but when dear old Dad needs help to become packmaster, that’s when Debbie’s death and the offence it caused Alcide is what really fucking counts. The truth is that Sookie’s rape doesn’t mean diddly squat to Alcide – it’s just something else to use against her, to use to manipulate her. He’s bringing up her rape to try to force the point that maybe she could come and live at his house, and then he can use her 24/7 to bolster his position in the pack and be go-to guy for telepathic services:

“I have a condo in Shreveport. I want you to think about staying with me.”
<snip>
“This is when you need me the most,” he protested, the words
spilling out of his mouth in his haste to persuade me.

Dead as a Doornail, pp. 158-159

And yet the very same conversation, this little stinking burr on the arsehole of the universe has the nerve to infer that Sookie did something untoward to get the money from Eric. Oh yeah, it’d be far fucking worse to be in Eric’s debt – because after all, Eric doesn’t even blame Sookie for Charles Twining’s death and exact a toll. Because that’s essentially what Alcide did – inferred Sookie owed a debt over someone who got her raped, and then broke into Sookie’s house to kill her – someone Alcide kept sicking on Sookie long after damage started, and who he swore in front of his pack that he would never see again.

The whole manipulation through using Sookie’s rape? How fucking low do you have to be? Sookie was raped, so now you want to use it to make her feel unsure of herself, and turn to you? Man – there aren’t enough swearwords in the world to encompass the snivelling piece of toad crap this man is. He doesn’t even have the grace to feel bad about it, or consider how Sookie might feel. However else Bill and Eric dealt with what happened to Sookie, they had more fucking respect for the violation of her bodily integrity than to bring it up to make a point in their favour. This is the essence of Sookie’s dealings with Alcide – he just doesn’t give a crap about her – he’ll use whatever he has – no matter how low it is, no matter how deeply painful, no matter how private. When Alcide wants something, that’s all fair game. He’s just as much a sneaky underhanded character as Debbie is herself – they’d make a fucking prize toxic couple.

Every single thing Sookie does around Alcide creates a debt for her – even if she doesn’t gain from it. It doesn’t matter how fucking peripheral Alcide’s involvement is, if there’s any kind of werewolf in the mix, that bastard finds a way to use it to screw Sookie over. And he gives the least amount back. After all the pack owes her, and who does he pay her off with? Dawson – who he must know is dating Amelia, and therefore, not as en pointe as pack protection seems to suggest:

I had misgivings about the arrangement. I thought of calling Alcide and explaining
why Tray might be a less than perfect bodyguard, but I decided against it. Tray
Dawson was a great fighter and would do his best for me…up to the point
where he had to make a choice between Amelia and me.

Dead and Gone, p. 239

I don’t for one second believe that Dawson didn’t mention that on the phone to Alcide, but like always, the stink pig makes sure his pack is protected, and he throws some lone wolf to the dogs. That’s just how he rolls. He’s not going to do something that might put the lives of his pack members in danger. Dawson doesn’t even belong to Alcide’s pack – so the pack owing her didn’t amount to any part of the pack putting themselves on the line just like Sookie did.

And this isn’t just me being unfair because I’ve hated him with a desperate yearning since Dead as a Doornail, this is a consistent pattern with the stink pig. Dawson dies fighting off the fairies, but does Alcide consider the protection debt expired now? You bet your fucking arse. Mustapha rescues Sookie from the rogue weres Alcide should have under control, who takes credit for his brilliance? You guessed it, fucking Alcide. This guy hasn’t put his pack’s lives on the line for a “friend” of the pack – he’s put those not in the inner circle at risk. In fact, he wants his own inner circle so protected, he’s willing to go on about Annabelle losing her life if Sookie doesn’t take drugs.

Truly, this is one of the things that drives me the most mad about the rivalry between vampires and weres. Both groups hate each other, and say the other one is shit, and yet the weres pretend that they’re “good guys” while being just the fucking same as vampires. Unfortunately, Alcide isn’t the Eric type who tries to pay back his debts – he’s the coward type who doesn’t fucking bother. Eric has a driveway and a new coat – which, sure, served other purposes – but Alcide has more cowardice and more favours he wants. He is a right utter bastard about any suggestion he owes Sookie anything at all.

In fact, this whole business is put most succinctly by Eric – and one of the reasons I like him, and despise Alcide:

“Was that blasted Alcide trying to use
you for some purpose in the contest?”
“You should talk about using.”
“Yes, but I’m straightforward about it,”
Eric said, his blue eyes wide and guileless.

Dead as a Doornail, p. 293

This is why Eric skates on the shit he does in the book that’s similar to Alcide. It’s because for the most part, he doesn’t try to make out like it’s a goddamn favour he’s doing Sookie. He doesn’t tend to tell her that going to Dallas will help her further her telepathy, and something he has to get her to do as a great favour for herself – no, he’s straight out and tells her that he wants to use her. For sure, there are times when he doesn’t tell her things, but he just plain old keeps the information from her, rather than puts a spin on it that the great and beneficent Eric is sending her to Dallas because she’d like the fucking weather there at that time of year.

Not only that, but Eric and the other vampires have actually charged in to do their level best to do something. Contrast when Jackson Herveaux died, versus when the vampires of Dallas sent Sookie into the Fellowship of the Sun:

Instead, the will of the pack had gone against Jackson, and the contest
had continued with the stakes even higher. I’d nothing to do with that
decision. But right now Alcide, in his grief and rage, was blaming me.

Dead as a Doornail, p. 282

When Jackson died, despite Sookie’s help, Alcide gave her the stink eye. Yet, when Godfrey died despite Sookie’s help, the vampires thanked her, paid her, and generally respected her. Stan Davis cried over Godfrey’s death and still treated Sookie with courtesy and aplomb. When Sookie was in the cage at Jackson’s match, did Alcide jump up to make sure she was protected? No, because Quinn dealt with that, licked her leg and such. Alcide stood there like the stink pig he was. Meanwhile, in Dallas, all the vampires went looking, networking, trying to find out where Sookie went. Not just Bill, but Stan and all of his contacts. Eric gave her first aid to boot.

Every single instance of when Alcide is on the page, he’s like this. Striking deep where Sookie hurts, giving zero fucks if she gets hurt – whether it be some crazy woman he’s trying to play her off against, or in the middle of any were battle. I could repeat every single instance of what he does and why I hate him, but seriously, it’s always more of the same. When he comes to Sookie’s bed, he’s not thinking about her feelings – he’s making a mockery out of her, and trying his level best to use her for the pack. I’m sure in a later book he’ll tell her she’s in his debt for not mentioning to Eric that he’d waited in her bed. That’s the sort of low life shithead Alcide is. And then he’ll demand she risk her life so he can have more kudos/money/power than he has now, and he’ll dispassionately observe her injuries until it becomes time to use them against her. I meanwhile, will hope that some satellite crashes to Earth and wipes out Alcide and his entire pack.

In truth, for all the shit that Bill gets in this fandom, Alcide is far worse. Alcide really should be the most hated suitor, of all of them. Bill got orders to date Sookie for his Queen – and soon regretted his involvement in that plan when he met her and fell in love – but Bill just plain old had no choice. Orders is orders. Alcide however, continues his fucking self-made plan to date Sookie for himself and his pack. He keeps trying to date her not because he’s generally interested, but because it would be nice to have Sookie’s support in his power base, and terribly wonderful to have a shaman. Bill rapes Sookie while half out of his mind, while Alcide reopens those wounds and uses it to his advantage when the fancy takes him. Bill offers to make dead things for Sookie all the time, Alcide wants to sacrifice Sookie for any Were, no matter how loathsome and cowardly. Bill is the victim of the schemes of others – Alcide gets there all under his own steam. It’s him who decides he should use Sookie for the wants of the moment – Debbie, making sure his Dad wins packmaster et cetera ad nauseum.

Even Bill lovers should hate him, because Bill doesn’t lie about how he’s a nice guy. He’s always telling Sookie he’s a vampire and not nice and how it’s really important for him to kill the enemy-de-jour and Sookie must sit smiling somewhere nearby, in love with him for what he is. While Alcide likes to project this image of caring guy, who’s totally looking out for Sookie’s best interests. Shit, even Eric doesn’t try that line. Alcide invites Sookie places like the Packmaster contest, giving the impression that he really wants her to go, and when she gets there, he does something nasty, like tell her she owes him and now is the time to pay up. Alcide is the very exemplification of why Sookie shouldn’t build up debts – fuck she doesn’t even have to try to build up debts with Alcide – he maintains she owes him for merely defending her own life against someone who broke into her own fucking house – that Alcide sicked on Sookie in the first fucking place. I mean, how fucking twisted is that logic – and how easy it is to get indebted without actually doing anything.

So these are some of the many numerous reasons I hate Alcide. I wish him dead. I wish his pack dead. I wish he would disappear off the face of the Sookieverse earth. If he died via horrible torture, I would cackle and rub my hands in glee. He’s a thug, with plenty of money and advantage, who always manages to get the best out of Sookie while giving her nothing, and charging her for that too. I’m hoping that the trend of the last few books – Sookie telling him she doesn’t like him – will continue. Possibly yelled in his face with air horns for hours on end until he pisses himself. That’s the best ending for the character that one could ever hope for – and leaves this post on a happy note. 😀