AB ‘n’ Me – Ruiners

For those of you who didn’t notice, I was late and slack on the whole book post, but here it is. I’m committed to the one book post a week thing. And I think at this point, the only thing keeping me to that promise is the reminder of True Blood every week. I’m hoping that my workload and schedule cycle down sometime soon so I can do more than weekly updates.

You know, I do believe the channel I watch True Blood on actually inadvertently provided a review with their ad for it. It said “Get ready for a big old bloody mess” – and they were right. Ah, even the people who sell it know, and they’re trying to warn us, the kind hearted souls.

Ow, my Freaking Ears

Oh man, just when I thought they’d put the whole hole in Jason bit to bed, they trundle it out again. Whenever not in crisis, I have to hear about the goddamned hole in Jason. I hate that hole. Luckily Jessica cut him off by biting him. Good show bodyguards – I know I was sick of the whining, and I’ve had to hear about it way more than you. And yes, if I can possibly do it, then every single place I can, I am inserting a The Simpsons reference. I once had to watch a 17 day marathon throughout the Olympic Games when my kids were younger – I know The Simpsons like the back of my hand. The Simpsons also gets more sense-making moralising into one half an hour episode than True Blood can get into a fucking season. And it’s funny, to boot.

Stranger, Yer A Trespassin’ on my Dirt Farm

I think I heard that guy say “turdcoats”. I’m pretty sure. Mr. Minty says he said “turncoats” but I like turdcoats far better. It was nice to see that Alcide was farming dirt on his Daddy’s dirt farm. He’s not real good at digging holes though, because that hole was pitiful. Really – he should have wet the soil to get a bit of traction. And hey – isn’t this Louisiana? One of the most moist states? How come the soil is so dry? I am not even paying attention to half the dialogue at this point, and shirtless Alcide does nothing for me. I’m not some dimwit who will be manipulated into being more interested in a shit show by showing me a guy who only ever reminds me of why I don’t eat lobster.

How the fuck a gambler has money to erect a silver fence, I do not know. Silver is apparently so abundant in this world that you just slather it onto the sides of your house and stuff. I would become so rich if I could travel to this world. Silver sells for like $30 an ounce. It must be nice to be so out of touch with the recession and the world of debt that you think to yourself “Well a dirt farmer would be able to pay for a silver fence, right? Yeah, that’s one of life’s essentials. Poor people have savings, yes?”

You Ruined Everything, Ruiner!

Yes, I have ruined Mr. Minty for looking at Holly. He cannot look at her face now, with all my mentions of gurning. He just laughs and has to turn away. And I’m relieved that Andy has enough lead in his pencil to go twice. That should be nice for Holly, I think – particularly since it was pounded into my head that he did it twice. Mr. Minty couldn’t take it seriously, so I didn’t pay much attention to this.

I was pleased to see that Merlotte’s had someone other than poor old Arlene running everything. There were four whole people there today, working. Sookie’s given up work because she doesn’t need to live, or it’s not her annual working day yet. Meanwhile, she has all the leisure in the world to spend her days in a fairy strip club and not work. She must be paying for that out of her rich waitress bank account. Everyone knows the poverty line is just a joke, right? Use their food stamps to buy silver fences, is what.

This Sucks And Blows

I was severely disappointed this episode. I got my hopes up, but they did not stake Pam. Man, I would be so happy if she gets gone at this point. Really, I would. But they’re not going to do anything about the way overblown cast, and they certainly aren’t looking to get rid of one of the most useless characters ever. After all – Eric will need to have a reason to return to the Authority and save her arse next week. Round and round in circles we go.

Fangtasia apparently has extra wardrobe, extra coffins, sleep overs. If you ever wanted to destroy Pam and her ilk, they’re all in that club with only Ginger for security, and we’ve established Ginger will let everyone in. Tara is fast becoming one of the only characters I can put up with among the vampires – and that’s pretty bad, considering they all get five minutes tops of screen time.

That Crazy Lady who Lives in our Trash Pile Attacked Me Again

Well, you know things are bad when Mr. Minty actually has to exclaim something, because he is a man of few words, and fewer swears (he’s more of a lady than PMR) even if they are pithy or witty. And he hates talking in the middle of shows. But nevertheless, his credulity was finally pushed to breaking point:

“Fucking hell. This is stupid.”
and then
“Is this Glee?”
(The Inestimable Mr. Minty)

This is what he said when he saw the crazy fairy Elder, with much accompanying scoffing. I don’t think anyone could watch that scene and think it was cool. It didn’t look cool. It didn’t sound cool. It looked like one of those painful one woman shows that make you want to run away when people invite you to them. It was really awkward and stupid.

And just now Sookie figured out “You are mine” is really fucking creepy? Say what? It was creepy years ago, and you didn’t tell Bill off. You thought it was romantic then, even though Bill said it so much that it was parodied on other shows. Book Eric is at least subtle, but this just goes to show just how damn stupid Show Sookie is compared to Book Sookie – she didn’t like that the first time she heard it, which is why Eric hides it. I did like the fairy club, and what Sookie was wearing though.

The fairies weren’t that bright on anything, really. I’m pretty sure I could have run up to her before she got her long killing diatribe out. It’s so inevitable that you see it coming. Vampires vamp speed and win the day…again. Colour me shocked. I’m surprised any of these fairies are alive with their milquetoast speechifying.

Save me, Jeebus

Whoever plays Nora is certainly beautiful, but boy am I glad she got out of that vampire nun outfit. Ugh. It’s such a belaboured point at this point. I’ve had this feeling before, when my then two year old youngest son would make me watch him hammer round pegs into round holes over and over for hours, and I would need to smile and clap and tell him he was a clever boy, while just wanting to get out of there. Don’t get me wrong – I love my kids – but I did it to encourage them, not because I’m genuinely interested in pounding the same point over and over for weeks.

Didn’t Lilith just tell them all that humans are their natural underlings? Why are they cowering like children at the thought someone would find out vampires are killing humans at a rate of knots? Are they proud of Lilith or not? This doesn’t make any sense as to why they want the PR to be all good. It really doesn’t. I don’t even know why they gave this human the time of day, since he has not been given the beauteous gift of vampirism either. Not even the zealots leapt up. AB has a lot to learn about religious crazies. In that they get fervent and crazy, dude. Not just sort of mildly skewed in their thinking. True believers are actually scary as fuck.

I did think something funny though – when General Kavanaugh had his head twisted half offf – and Eric said “I can fix this” I thought “What with? Glue?” And that was the sum total amusement I got out of the show – from my own brain and the stupidity of this dialogue. Fuck, it’s not even funny any more.

I’m sure that now that Eric has left the building, we’ll forget all about the USB the General had – it won’t be released to the public, or no one will care, or maybe TweedleBrainDead hasn’t figured out that when humans and the government will murder all the vampires, he includes vampires like…Eric. Or it probably won’t apply or something. This is one big plot hole that they’re just going to totally ignore, I’m betting. Or they’ll pull out the stupidity that vampires can’t be defeated, because even though the General said they own the day, he was just joshing. Mind you – this is the idiot who thinks with his dick employed. That makes him level headed, apparently.

I find it difficult to believe that the US government would brook any kind of Authority that rivals their own by a population that could turn hostile at any time – and they are aware said population is a dangerous underclass. But that’s probably because I shit better politics than this.

I’m not not licking toads

Someone’s gotta drink that phial of blood so we can all go home. I don’t really care who it is at this point. I’m betting that it’ll be some secret sort of message about women. I mean, in the name of all that is holy, Bill came to the Authority like a week ago why is the most recent convert the fucking boss of everything now? Why does no female character have any agency about anything at all? The only one is Tara, and she’s the only one to have had her dimwitted maker put an order on her to do as she’s told.

Bill is wandering around, trying not to drink the blood, and no one else will drink it. And Lilith picked Bill first, Kibwe second and then finally one of the women who’s been worshipping her for only a couple of thousand years or so. Good to know that thousands of years of devotions and machinations will get you passed over every time in favour of a man. Why is it that even hallucinations aren’t putting women in charge? I’m pretty sure that if Lilith told Salome to drink, she would, but Lilith likes the upstart Bill Compton so much better?

And it’s not “Compton bloodlines” you idiot. It’s fucking Krasiki bloodlines – since her blood flows in you. And ultimately, TweedleTurd, the Lilith bloodlines are the real ones that matter.

You Don’t Strike – You Go in Everyday and Do it Really Half Assed

The religious storyline is draaaaaaagging. Like hard. How heavily do we have to have religion vs. secularism pounded into us? Apparently just showing crazy Maryanne and her crazy god Dionysus was not enough – then we had to have the witches and their goddess. Then Lafayette, Jesus and their gods. And now this stupid overblown Godric-as-Jesus and Lilith-as-the-devil storyline that is dragging arse.

Every single season, a woman is the villain, and it’s her obsession with religion that gets her there. And AB thinks he’s showing us something new each time? This man is deeply, deeply stupid. His new “religion is evil and so are the women who follow it” got old and stale and stupid years ago. Women as poor, crazy, misunderstood religious bitches got old and stale and stupid long ago. Thankfully a man will pull her – and the world’s – arse out of the fire every single goddamn time. Nothing different is essentially changing, and what’s worse, if Lilith is a hallucination, why does she keep leaving evidence of her realness behind?

Maybe the season finale will show me just how bad and tainted a woman is when she infuses herself with extra crazy woman, and will need to be cured with the metaphorical phallus that is staking her. Or maybe the season finale will show me just how terrible it is when a man is infused with the essence of crazy bitch, and will need GodricJebus to save his soul. Neither one is good. Oh God. I like myself and I like women. I just don’t want to look. But I will, just so I can rant properly and with full knowledge if anyone asks me why I love the books and hate the show.

My Recommendation

My recommendation is King Kong. That’s the recent version, not the old one. Oh my God, I weep for the last half an hour of this film, every time I see it. It’s like a cathartic release for all of my sads.

On the surface, there’s a lot there about endangered animals, and industrialisation. Of course, that’s not a bad thing to come away with. But it’s the subtext about beauty and love that really kicks – the way in which love and beauty are tied together, and it is the meeting of two souls that really makes that decision. It’s also about the fragility of the natural being too – and how in seeking ownership of something, we can destroy it.

This is a poignant tale about loneliness, and where we will find empathy and comfort for that loneliness. The commonality between say a blonde actress and a giant gorilla. It’s about the ability to love and be loved – to throw away all that limits us from being able to commune on one level and just be. To enjoy the moment. It’s nicely contrasted with how we profess to love things, and yet we really don’t – we are obsessed with them and what they can give to us – we don’t really love them. How even though we say we love, that some ‘love’ is all about changing and conforming – leading us to destroy what we appreciated in the first place, and then no one is happy. I tear up just thinking about it.

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