King Bill

So, lots of times in my comments, people want to know what I think of True Blood. So I know the finale will be sometime soon in the US, which means I’ll be spoilered about the ending, and watch the reactions. Let me say, I’m laying my own personal odds that if Sookie chooses Eric or whatever the season will be pronounced “good” by a vast majority despite any complaints of its craptacular nature that went before when she was vacillating between Eric and Bill. Eric and Sookie ending up together and boning constitutes “good” fanfic for many people. You can ameliorate the worst of fanfic with an ESN prior to ending.

But, onto what I think so far. I’m up to the episode where Eric is swimming in the pond out the back of Sookie’s. I must say that Alexander Skarsgård is doing a wonderful job – at least so far. He’s kind of menacing and scary, because he’s kinda unpredictable. I’m not just seeing the supposed “sweet” human Eric, but an impulsive killing machine. I don’t know that I could turn my back on the thousand year old killer who sometimes thinks he should eat Sookie. I might not lust after him, but he’s a damn fine actor.

I’m not so impressed with Sookie myself – she doesn’t seem to mind that the only reason any of the men want her is for her blood or telepathy. Yes, I get it, she’s completely and utterly unlovable AB, and no one would want her but for her vampire crack blood or telepathy. Even her inner fairy is ugly. And I absolutely hated that she’s still too dim-witted. Book Sookie never would have tried to buck Eric up and have him be happy with vampirism. That’s okay, because Book Eric never would have whined about missing the goddamn Sun. Also, Bill should have been able to see her lying about Eric being in her house, cause I sure saw her lie. Poor form Vampire Bill. Poor form Anna Paquin for not being able to hide it. You really are a shit telepath if you can’t lie convincingly.

I’m also mucho pissed off with Pam. I can’t believe how poor her impulse control is. Like last season – she’ll wait two seconds, but she won’t wait eight. Her stupid telling Marnie off really got under my skin – fucking Pam can’t wait for anyone to finish what they’re doing. They no sooner form a circle and start a spell, than the stupid idiot gets fed up with waiting. This is not the Pam with a plan we’re subject to in the books – the woman who has a knife stashed on her person to let Sookie fight with. This is Pam who’s almost exactly like Show Sookie, but a vampire. She just hauls off and does stupid things all the time. Show Eric has really shitty taste in women.

Favourite character ever – Caroline Bellefleur. She is absolutely wonderful. I want her to come to my house and talk in my parlour. I’d even build her a parlour to talk in – being that I don’t have one. She was cultured and I could listen to her tell me anything any time. Pity Bill boned her granddaughter and she realised it. I don’t think Bill will be invited to any reunions. He’s too busy running away anyway from the terrier that is Portia (not much of a terrier now, ya?).

One of my tentative wonderings, and I don’t know if it will actually go anywhere, being that this is True Blood, is whether Crystal intends to eat Jason at some point in the future. I mean, there’s the discussion of Ghost Daddy, and how the panthers ate him, and Crystal telling Jason he’ll be the new Ghost Daddy, and as soon as he’s impregnated everyone, that’s when they’ll “be together”. Sounds like Crystal’s maybe going to eat him and that’s how they’ll be together. But no one ever spoilers on the whole Crystal and Jason thing – it’s all vampire spoilers all the way, so I’m clueless.

Of course, Mr. Minty’s favourite line:

“Stop saying fuck! I can’t concentrate!”

She’d never be able to concentrate in my house. Now he’s up to Dead and Gone, he laments the ruin of Sookie along with me. I did an internal dance of happy when he said “Book Sookie would never do that!” 😀 😀

I’m getting pretty sick too of the three Stooges (Tara, Jesus and Lafayette) shitting their pants over pissing off Eric and Pam. I’d much rather not have to watch so much grovelling. Why they keep going back to the whole thing, like a dog going back to its own vomit is beyond me. If they just forget about it, that’s how all problems are solved on True Blood. Don’t do anything with it, and people forget. It’s how they killed Russell and why Sookie didn’t save herself from being locked up in Eric’s dungeon with microwave fingers.  If you forget it happened, nothing happens and there’s no consequences. I’d be down with that, since I’m getting pretty damn sick of them waxing lyrical about how Pam and Eric are going to kill them all, and nothing can stop Eric (not stakes or sunlight – he’s too awesome). Ugh. It’s like watching Eric fangirls. Sickening.

Also, I don’t see Marnie as less culpable for being possessed by an evil witch. She’s done everything she can to try to draw that power to herself, in the hopes of having mere mortals cower before her in fear. I like the character if for no other reason than as nasty as Marnie is – the coward she is – she’s at least choosing to be the creature of an evil, vengeful spirit. It’s a pity for her it doesn’t follow her wishes, but goes for it’s own agenda. I anticipate later in the season, a man will be forced to kill her. That’s the way True Blood rolls.

I am sometimes absolutely bewildered by the stuff I’m supposed to see when I watch True Blood, from reading spoilers – this is one of the funny and astounding things that I happen to enjoy for its perversity. For example, I read that the fairies had some sort of breeding program for the humans – and there was much outrage !How dare they lift crappy storylines from fanfic and make crappy television! I mean, as I’ve discussed before, getting someone with a “dab” of fairy to reinvigorate your line of pure fairies has to be one of the silliest things I’ve heard. It’s up there with King Ralph as far as plausible and workable….or maybe it’s rather biblical – having sex with a fairy can turn Sookie into a full fairy who gives birth to full fairies – like water into wine. The human bits of her magically disappear apparently.

I can’t see how Queen Mab saying she’s going to harvest the seeds they planted in the human world translates to any kind of breeding program with Sookie. All the breeding has been done – the harvest is something different. I never thought I’d say this, but the knowledge of “How new plants are made” is abysmal – you don’t breed plants after you’ve harvested them, people. I kept waiting for it to show up, but now Claudine is dead, I know it isn’t going to.

So how “we’re harvesting humans” became “we’re breeding with humans to make an uber-fairy race” happened to be the conclusion that some drew is absolutely bewildering. This is one of the reasons why I like waiting until after everyone else – it confirms that not only is reading comprehension low, but so are listening skills. Later on in the season, I’ll be watching with a bit of schaudenfraude for all those authors who have Eric do terrible, terrible things to Sookie in fanfic, and then just have him go “Whoops, sorry, really love you” and she instantly forgives and fucks him; and enjoy their pain over Sookie doing the same stunt with Bill. Same goes with the goopy dialogue I read Eric has. Haha! This dose of your own medicine is not so nice tasting. 😀

One of the other things that’s completely bewildering me too is the assertion that Bill is being presented as a hero, and a good guy. Well, maybe that’s what they intended, but that’s not how it seems to me.  I can’t decide if True Blood is a brilliant idea brilliantly executed, a brilliant idea poorly executed, or a poor idea poorly executed. I’d love it if it was the first, but I know, I know – the big holes of logic mean it’s the last – a poor idea poorly executed.

As per my post about Book Bill, I don’t see him as the devil incarnate in the books – he’s not suited to Sookie, but he’s not an evil villain devoid of all goodness. He’s a political pawn as I’ve discussed before. But that’s not Show Bill, and that’s where I’m thinking on how it’s being set up. I’m going to set it up as if it has been a brilliant idea brilliantly executed – even hoodwinking the audience.

Okay, so at the end of the last season, we learn that Bill set up the Rattrays to beat Sookie half to death and get his blood in her. A little more betrayal than the books set up, fair enough. It certainly doesn’t make Bill look like a stand-up guy. He set her up to get beaten and take his blood. Okay, under the idea that he’s a pawn, this is way more extreme than the books, but still jibes with orders from the Queen. Bill’s loyalties are elsewhere.

Except that they’re not exactly with vampires, now are they?

We learn that Bill is a vampire spy, set up sometime in the 80’s to infiltrate Sophie Anne’s regime and “sow the seeds of discord”. Okay, so fair enough – he’s apparently on the side of humans there, and wants to bring down the old order so humans can live well and continue to be farmed for his appropriate tastes. He doesn’t see any reasons to kill them, when he can tag them with his blood, release them into the wild and eat them (and their children) again later. The very essence of sustainable vampirism – because it’s also for the benefit of Bill, so he’ll have someone to eat 200 years from now.

So why exactly did he follow the Queen’s plan to the detriment of Sookie then? If he truly was there to sow the seeds of discord, it would have made more sense to have Bill being all cagey about Sookie – making out like he couldn’t find her – not feeding her his blood. I mean, Bill reported back to Sophie Anne – she never came down to see what her telepath was about until she came to collect her. It would have been so much easier to make out that for the first time, he’s inept. Instead he dutifully reports to the woman he’s supposed to be undermining. Why she needed undermining is beyond me, because the tax office would get her sooner than Bill would have.

But then, rather than being honest with Nan – who’s part of some association whose purpose is to mainstream and not kill humans, then Sookie should be in less danger from them than she is – at the time Bill lied to her – from Eric. So if he’s supposedly not telling Nan to protect Sookie, this will help Sookie…how? Keeping her fairy nature secret from Nan won’t stop Eric from telling everybody – but it will stop the Authority from co-opting Sookie for their own schemes. Bill apparently needs her for his own schemes of boning her and jonesing for some fairy.

The way Eric tells it to Sookie, it’s only a matter of time before all the other vampires sniff her out and figure out what she is, so keeping it secret from the Authority doesn’t really save Sookie at all. It makes her subject to all the vampires out there that don’t purport to believe in not killing humans, and leaves her subject to them – the likes of Russell. Rather than letting her take refuge in the vampires who don’t believe in killing humans to the point that they’d betray other vampires to do that. They might have another agenda, but in that case, why is Bill using them to get himself a Kingship?

It looks like to me that the only person truly winning in this situation is Bill. He’s got the Kingship, he’s got Sookie close by, Eric under control thanks to the Authority, the public eating him up, a great-granddaughter who desperately wants to do him and a child who’ll pick on his ex-girlfriend for breaking his heart.

As presented by True Blood, they can put all the backing music they like to it, and it doesn’t make Bill anything more than a disloyal snake in the grass – willing to sell out Sookie, Nan, the Queen – whoever it takes to get to the top of the pile. This is Bill as he isn’t in the books. This Bill isn’t pulled from all sides – he’s loyal only to himself and his agenda. He’ll use Sookie to get what he wants, and he’s just as equally loose with the truth to those whom he’s allied with. How anyone can look upon Show Bill – who has betrayed his Sheriff, his Queen, the Authority, Nan and Sookie and call him a hero is beyond me. Bill is the consummate dissembler.

I would have felt genuinely sorry for the Bill pushed between pillar and post, the one in the books. I don’t feel sorry for the Bill who craps on to Sookie that he really loves her, gets her beaten, pulls the line with Jessica that he can’t protect her, outright lies to Nan and the Authority, and lies to Eric. It looks like to me that any line Bill pulls out about “protecting” people he loves, is really designed to be heard as “This will protect me better”. How that guy could be the love of anyone’s life, much less the vacant headed Sookie is beyond me. How can a dimwit and a betrayer be soul mates? Tarded.

There is much outrage among fans that Bill is King – but it looks to me that Eric is actually being smart not being King. Yes, yes, Bill might have his petty power trips, and tell Eric what to do, but then Bill has to juggle the AVL and all those underlings who would kill him. Eric’s free to lurk around buying Sookie’s house and walking around unmolested; while Bill has a cordon around him a mile wide and all kinds of shit to do schmoozing with humans, which Eric doesn’t want to have anything to do with. And looking at the former Queen, well, her reign lasted forever, didn’t it? Oh…no…wait, the Authority took her out as surplus to their agenda. So being vampire royalty is a good thing? Really? Ha – Eric’s well out of that mess. As Nan pointed out, how many retired vampire royals does Bill know?

I don’t think I’d feel sorry to see True Blood Bill go. And it’s not because I’ve always hated his character. It’s just because they’ve taken a character whose motives were sympathetic, and made him über-Bill – all the political drive of Eric with a heavy dash of ambition. The fact that Book Bill didn’t have those things enabled me to feel sorry for him, but Show Bill got himself into this mess with all the action to manoeuvre into this spot of his own accord. He’s no one’s hero except his own, no matter how many sad, sad looks he gives. If AB is trying to make him more attractive, he failed. I’d love it if it was a brilliant idea brilliantly executed, but this is a really shithouse idea poorly executed. To be sympathetic, you have to have some sympathy with a character, and I have none for Show Bill – he made this mess by his own design.

Perhaps AB thought that the only thing that attracted fangirls to Eric was the perception of power – and he might be right – but those fangirls wouldn’t give up Eric based on that. Eric has peen, and long flowing blond hair – all they’d see is that Book Eric can apparently do anything – including get out of marriages in a snap, defeat his maker, fight a state full of vampires and werewolves and still find time to save Sookie from torture. Just in case you’re wondering – Eric has done none of those, yet the fangirl perception is that he can, but he just hasn’t cause CH is mean.

For the readers who liked Eric for his intelligence and manipulation, über-Bill doesn’t match up, because Book Eric at the very least, had loyalty and obligation to more than himself and Sookie. He served his Queen, he took care of his underlings – even as a vampire, he had vestiges of actual honour, rather than getting ahead politically by hook or by crook and betraying absolutely everyone. Book Eric didn’t try to weasel out of things. Book Eric had charisma while he did it – not sad faces and angsty expressions designed to guilt the victim of the manipulation. Show Eric still has more charisma in his little finger than über-Show-Bill has in his entire body and it still makes his arseholery more forgivable. So fail again, AB.

I’ve heard from trusted sources that the show is going to jump the shark later in the season. I can’t wait. So I’ll probably update closer to the end. And before you ask, I’ll continue to watch, merely to understand where stupid shit written in fanfic comes from (like a throne and slapping Sookie).  True Blood will fill some time until the new season of Game of Thrones comes out – it ended tonight, and I shall miss my weekly dose of Tyrion Lannister (The Imp) – British accent, charisma, snark and intelligence – I’d fangirl him any day. He even does angst properly. Watch and learn AB, you are doing it wrong.