Undead Suckie

This was asked for by an anon. This is a thought experiment on what would happen if Sookie was a vampire. If you want to read a really good fic about what would happen to Sookie if she was a vampire – I have to mention the fine tale Love Me Dead by AllHailAugustus. Seriously –  I review it, and it’s on the list of wunderfics. It’s good, and it’s one of the few “What if” fics I like, mainly because AllHailAugustus doesn’t use it as an excuse to get Sookie and Eric to bone sooner – ie. she writes a story working with available facts and logic. While you’re there, read her other stories – so good.

Now, to the actual thought experiment. One of the fundamental differences with the above fic – and one that’s not mentioned in the books so not many readers know it – is that Stan Davis is a former telepath. Sourced from CH herself. Now his special vampire powers extend only to sending and receiving thoughts. Sourced again from CH herself. He can’t hear thoughts if they aren’t sent directly to him – but as Sookie says, he can “beam” to his nestmates. I’m going to stick to CH and the books, and a flight of fancy is not in my nature. I always think that most of the time when it’s done in fanfic, it’s done in a rather empty and silly way, because all Sookie ever gains is immortality – and we all know being a vampire is one long party, right? It’s nice being stuck working for Victor and Felipe, I would imagine, and being in a world where Mickey does well. I’ve never read one where Sookie lost her telepathy all together either.

There was a little kerfuffle over this fact, because CH forgot that fact, and some claim that means that what she said is unreliable. But from what I can see of her writing, and the fact that she says she has “bombs in the garden” in her writing, some of which will never go off, means that she just forgot. CH has put a substantial amount of “fallback” into why Sookie will never be turned. Directions CH could go to stop it if she decided she was going to use a “turn Sookie” plotline – to pull her arse out of the fire at the last minute. First, she gave Sookie to Bill, who hates the ideas of turning others, then in LDID, there’s Stan, the spectacular failure of the idea of a telepathic vampire (meaning no one would turn her because Stan would point out it would never work), then Niall as a good reason of why you don’t want to piss Sookie off by killing her. Nowadays it’s the threat of Niall and the pledging that does the work.

There are also substantial laws about vampires turning, killing and biting in the book – they have to have consent from the human and from their own royalty. As we can see with the new book, if the human doesn’t throw up a roadblock, your King might. There’s lots of reasons why just wanting to be a vampire would not be just allowed, as you want it to happen. Each individual vampire does not have impunity to turn humans, much as that’s used in fanfic. If Hadley had lived, then she probably would have been in deep shit for turning Jake. Particularly since Sookie is owned by Eric, by virtue of the pledging, no royal is going to allow Eric to turn his own immortal asset. She might be used against the royal so that Eric can swipe the Kingship. Eric would never allow anyone else to “own” Sookie in this way either – he’s not going to give ownership to Pam or anything else – Eric can’t stop himself from saying “mine” – he’s not going to like saying “ours” either. He’d be the doer of the deed, or he’d bring the hammer of the pledge down to punish someone for robbing him of his right.

But, let’s say that finally, Sookie changed her mind, learned to love the bond and cherish slavery, or perhaps her brains and eyesight fell out and she forgot what being a vampire meant (rape, torture, fighting and murder – some of it hers, some of it others) and all that good stuff. Now, the Sookie that turned, would no doubt wake up and find herself not a telepath any more. This would actually probably be traumatic for Sookie. The fact of the matter is that she says she’s never really learned about human body language, because she had a running narrative of thoughts – no point in paying attention to subtle signs like the rest of us. She’s getting better, but the ordinary human experience scares the shit out of Sookie because it’s not her normal:

The idea triggered a kind of mini-revelation: This was how it felt to be a normal person. I hadn’t the slightest idea of the true intentions and plans of my companions. This was how real people lived every day of their lives. It was frightening but exciting; a lot like walking through a crowded room blindfolded.
How did regular people stand the suspense of day-to-day living?

All Together Dead,
p. 14

So Sookie would be exhilarated by it, and most likely traumatised by losing her telepathy. That’s the moment when one hopes Eric really turned her because he really does loves her, because if anyone else turned her, she’d be so much dust on the wind. No point in keeping around a useless vampire – and if you turned a telepath who was no longer a telepath, then you’d just get rid of them. I think that would be a moment of doubt for Sookie, even if Eric turned her – she’s no longer useful, and she can possibly send him thoughts right to his head. Eric likes that skill used on others, but I don’t think he’d take very kindly to his own privacy being compromised.

Sookie would also need to cope with the trauma of being dead. I know most fanfic seems to treat it as if it’s nothing, but Sookie’s now dead during the day. I’ve noticed myself that usually when Sookie turns, few writers make her follow the rules of being a vampire – she’s up in the day, she’s eating food, she’s doing all of the things she used to do. Which is more retarded than Alan Ball’s “fairy blood makes you immune to sunlight”. Sookie as a vampire would follow vampire rules – being dead in the daytime, having to drink blood, all that good stuff. If you want to explore the trauma deeper, I’ve written about it in a generic form before. But Sookie would have the added trauma of being a telepath who used that to deal with the world, and is now lost in a world feeling like everyone is speaking a foreign language.

But, let’s say that Eric turned her without caring if she was still a telepath. After she’d settled from her shock at now being dead and not being a telepath, that’s when the real “fun” would start. He’d have to cancel a whole heap of business for himself – because I know he’d be cherishing the idea of the metric shit-ton of money his telepathic vampiric child would make for him. So he cancels that. But after all the messy registration with the government, we come to the first stumbling block.

Sookie would have to take an oath of fealty to her husband, and to the King or Queen of the territory. It’s not enough to just obey your husband if you’re a vampire. You also take on their royal – which you don’t do if you’re just a human. In the vampire world, if you check in, you have to follow all the leaders. For example Bill has to follow orders from Eric and Sophie Anne, as well as Lorena. Eric has to follow orders from Victor, Felipe and Appius in DITF – it’s not as if you get one boss and that’s the end of it. When Sookie is dating/married to Eric as a human – she doesn’t have to follow Victor’s orders, or Felipe’s orders.

So say goodbye to Eric being the only person whose rules Sookie has to follow – Sookie now has to follow the royal as well. You can bet that they’d be rubbing their hands together with glee in anticipation of ordering the telepathic vampire to the nearest capital centre and putting her to work. You don’t get to have nights of partying and doing jackshit if you’re a vampire. Since Eric isn’t King, and Sookie is a vampire who has now taken oaths to serve that royal, there’s no reason for her to stay in the small city of Shreveport – she’s the royal’s brand new asset. Particularly since the royal wouldn’t want Eric to use her to seize power, they’d find a way to get said telepath out of Eric’s hands as soon as possible.

But, now you have a former telepath who is now claiming she’s not a telepath. You think a royal is going to believe “because I say so”? Because I sure as shit don’t. I foresee Sookie being summoned, telling them she’s not a telepath and then a week full (at least) of torture so that she’ll prove it. The oath of fealty means that the royal can do as they please – maker’s soft heart be damned. No one would trust Eric – they don’t trust – they spy on each other. So they’d test Sookie for a week or so – and they’d use force. After all, there’s no need to use manipulation if they heal from their injuries really easily and have their own vampire blood – it costs you nothing, and teaches vampires to comply quick smart.

After a second period of torture (the first being Lochlan and Neave) – which unfortunately Sookie is strong enough of mind to actually take – she’d go home feeling a lot more scared, and a lot more willing to do as she’s told. Depending on the royal in question, they may rape her as well – Eric is the exception, not the rule. Sophie Anne was an exception too. After a bit, Sookie would learn to just go with it and get it over, instead of taking a beating and being raped anyway. If you dream that Sookie will be faithful to Eric, there’s nothing that suggests that sexual fidelity is a matter of course or that royals give two shits about the promises you make to others.

I’m not even going to deal with “if Eric was King and turned Sookie” – as I’ve explained before, Eric just isn’t suited to being King. When Eric is King, I’ll make a revised version of this post of the outcome – but needless to say it isn’t even “safe” to be a vampire if Eric is King, because vampire Kings work many, many hours in the night, leaving newborns alone.  Some vampire would take it into their head that King Northman has a secret telepath, and we’re back where we started – that’s providing they don’t just kill Sookie outright after the torture. Like with Bill in CD – you don’t let go of a vampire you’ve tortured. Of course, the common solution is to give her a surfeit of bodyguards – and hey, that always works out well – when Sookie’s in the company of vampires she never gets hurt or kidnapped, right? Lol.

But, I don’t think Eric is suited for King, has the ability to be King, or would want to be King. After all – he’s survived through one Queen being taken down – I’d say that Eric would try for King only when he’s feeling a bit suicidal. But ultimately, Sookie is bound to be tortured in a short period of time by someone. Torture is a currency in the vampire world – they use it against each other and against humans – it’s absolutely prolific. Sophie Anne has special tortures that frighten the shit out of Eric, and I dare say every other royal does too.

One thing Sookie would find easy – she wouldn’t need to work too hard on developing that whole stone-face attitude of stoicism that vampires have. Her telepathy means that she has that down. She wouldn’t be letting her emotions show on her face. That’s how you pass as crazy among humans – rather than telepathic – by controlling your face. Her second torture session would make that easier though, because she’s starting to shut down emotionally. It’s pretty much a case of a lot of trauma that helps vampires assume the cold face thing – not control. But she also has to learn a whole heap of stuff that she hasn’t done before.

A big part of that is feeding and killing. Eric would going to teach Sookie not only how to feed from humans, but how to kill humans. He might go so far as to let her pick someone “worthy” of killing, but he’s not going to let Sookie puss out with True Blood. She needs to be able to kill when the need calls for it, and learn to scab over that trauma. Eric and Pam are efficient because they don’t hold back on the killing – that will need to be burned out of Sookie quick smart. No point in having a vassal who’ll stand by and let herself or you be killed. You’re not turning your wife, or not just turning your wife – you’re creating an asset.

Not only that, but Sookie will now spend every night surrounded by dangers – including other vampires like Mickey. In order to teach her how to fight a vampire, Eric can teach her in a training room. But in order to make it effective, Eric has to get Sookie used to killing. When she’s facing off against another vampire, they’re not going to stop when she yells break. Eric has to have Sookie remove any barriers she might have towards killing. Pam and Eric don’t hesitate to kill when the need arises, and now, nor can Sookie. That hesitation puts her at risk.

After that round of torture and possible rape of Sookie, she’d probably have some anger to get out anyway, and some hopelessness about what she’s gotten herself into. She’d probably be a bit torn on it, but she’d end up killing with thoughts that she might be able to prevent herself from being hurt again (not true, but a good lie that’ll give her hope). Plus, she could displace anger really well. One of the worst of things for a surviving rape victim is not to be angry – so Sookie would (as she did with Bill) get angry about her treatment. That would help her suppress the whole incident faster. It sounds crappy, but that’s the way it works. Anger after rape or torture is the quickest way to heal the trauma and need less counselling (which doesn’t exist for vampires).

Of course, Sookie has to find a job. She can no longer do any Area telepath work. Probably a viable job that isn’t beneath a vampire would be being the bartender at Fangtasia. Sookie wouldn’t be able to work as a waitress – that’s considered to be “human” work:

I’ll tell you something about vampires: They don’t like to wait tables. And they’re pretty poor at it, too. You won’t catch a vamp bussing tables, either. The vamps almost always hire humans to do the grubbier work at their establishments.
Dead as a Doornail,
pp. 38-39

But that would only be a stop gap for Sookie. She’d want to find something else that she can do for Eric – to make her tithe. After all, if she’s not a telepath, she’s not limited any more. So she’d probably find something to do that she’s always wanted to do. That could be anything – but it should be lucrative. She wouldn’t be sharing the running of Fangtasia or Sheriff duties with Eric – that’s his job, and the new vampire needs to give the royalty reason as to why they allow her to live. She doesn’t have telepathy, so she has to have something. She can’t muscle Pam out of Pam’s job – which is to manage all of Eric’s interests and being Eric’s second. That would be suicidal, and Pam has to do something – and Sookie can’t fight yet.

As an aside, Sookie can probably say goodbye to a good cadre of friends that she has now. She’d definitely lose Tara, and all the fairies, and definitely all the weres. Once the vampires have a definitive claim on her (because she is one) and she’s not a telepath any more, then there’s no use for her. I suspect myself that the “essential spark” inherited from the fairies is based on the idea of life and nature – and that disappears when you’re dead. Lots of parallels are drawn between fairies being about life – the “boom of life” returning to Jason in DITF for example – and they’re the polar opposite symbolically of vampires (who are after all, dead). So the fairies would lose interest in some vampire without the essential spark – much like Niall couldn’t give a shit about Jason.

Remy isn’t comfortable with the idea of a telepath as his son, so I doubt very much he’s going to be terribly liberal about vampires being around Hunter. Even if you’re dreamy-eyed to make out like he wouldn’t care (which is stupid) there’s all those assassins after Sookie herself to hurt and control Eric. Hunter would be a nice bit of leverage over Sookie. On top of that, Hunter is like big tasty vamp bait, being that he’s a telepath. The kindest and most loving thing Sookie could do for him is forget his existence. No one is going to listen to Sookie that Hunter’s too young to be used to listen in to deals. After all, her own father used her in deals at that age – no one can seriously believe that vampires won’t snatch up an extremely trainable child. One raised to think of vampire benefit.

For all the other people in her life who won’t mind the change – and they are pitifully few – that’ll be Jason and Sam. Then what’s Sookie going to do at their places? Have dinner…nope. Have a conversation about her life…yep, mentioning her torture and rape should be a freaking breeze when they ask what she did last week. The truth is that even if all of her friends accept her, she’ll drift away from them. There’s so much that they do that she doesn’t do any more – like eating, sleeping, going out in the daytime – and so much she does that they don’t – learning to fight, learning to cope, killing things. Her friendships with non-vampires are cactus – which leaves Pam as a definitive friend. Eric is her husband and also boss, which doesn’t make conducive for the bonds of friendship.

If Sookie is sensible, which I know she is, she’ll learn all the new rules about being a vampire – the laws and such that she now has to follow. I’m confident that Eric would teach her that stuff. But she wouldn’t be his equal, or be given choice if she’s a vampire. She would be required to obey Eric, as she’d be required to follow a royal. Since I can’t see Eric telling her that prior to turning, Sookie would learn that lesson quickly and painfully. I have no doubt that Eric would get rough with her if she forgot her place. And that’s where the cracks would start to appear.

I can see that Sookie would forget to kneel and forget subservient behaviour once or twice – because she’s never really lived that way. She doesn’t even come from a society where all of that is important. In modern society, if I forget to wait for my husband’s nod to sit down, well no one thinks anything (nor do I by the way, because I don’t look for his permission). But if Sookie forgets that they’re at work together, and she has to show respect for the Sheriff as her boss so that other vampires will show respect, that’s when things will get ugly. That’s when Eric will end up hurting and humiliating her. Since he’s successfully trained Pam, as I’ve mentioned before, so don’t bother telling me at the bottom he’s too much of a sweetie. He will be Sookie’s murderer – stop telling yourself fairytales.

Now, for Eric himself, one of the small things he likes about his relationship with Sookie is that she’s open with him, and makes him feel more human again – and Bill felt that way too. Eric likes just being unguarded around Sookie and getting a glimpse into her human life, discussing stuff like the repairs on Hummingbird Road. Couple of sessions of torture and a whole heap of fear, and that’s not really something that Sookie can give to others – she’s going to be moving along the classic lines of what vampires end up being – which is shut down and closed off. It doesn’t even have to be torture from Eric – it can be torture from any vampire. That’s what torture does to people – makes them shut down.

We can see in the books that there is a constant threat of torture on vampires. Bill is tortured by his maker and a bunch of weres in Club Dead, Eric is tortured by Sigebert in From Dead to Worse – and that’s just bonafide torture on two vampires who are a whole heap older than Sookie would be. They know how to get themselves out of tight spots, and how to behave properly. They’re not going to get themselves inadvertently in trouble. I’m betting all young vampires do, and that’s how they get ‘reminded’ to behave themselves.

I don’t really think Eric will be sitting Sookie down and explaining things – too much counts on a vampire controlling themselves – and you have to make sure that lesson sticks. I’m sure Eric has tortured Pam at some stage (and it’s a price she’s no doubt willing to pay for being a vampire) based on her subservience. As “subservient” is not the first word usually used to describe Pam’s innate personality, I don’t believe that it’s something that exists as a favour to Eric. So Sookie will get the same treatment. I mean – isn’t that what a whole heap of readers complain about – Sookie is too independent and doesn’t do what she’s told? Guess what, now Eric will force her.

Sookie will be moving away from her personality as it is now, and moving towards is a whole heap of suppressive behaviour. She’ll be on her way to being like Eric when we first meet him, and then onto what Thalia is like – cold and angry. Part of the reason for this is the healthy heaping of trauma that vampires have. I know in the fanfic world, therapy solves everything, but that’s not what happens in real life – some things you just can’t recover from. It’s how you take a little baby, starve him, neglect him, beat him and turn him into a serial killer. We humans can do it, and that’s what vampires seem to do – traumatise the shit out of someone until they’re a “good vampire”.

Particularly since once Sookie realises what she’s gotten herself into, like Jake Purifoy, she’ll try to find a way to get a bit careless and maybe accidentally die. If her brains fell out, once they come back and she’s realised that she’s in a world of murderers and torturers, she’ll try to take the easy way out – even if only subconsciously. A very effective torture is keeping someone alive long after they want to die. Even if Eric is never pushed to the very edge and tortures Sookie as an active thing, forcing her to keep on going once she’s lost the will to survive will be passive torture. Either way, as her maker, Eric’s going to torture Sookie – by passively keeping her there, or actively torturing her for transgressions.

Within the first say twenty years, this is what will happen to Sookie – if it takes that long – but by this time, living will become a habit that she’s learned to cling to.  As Eric says – as time goes on vampires grow more jealous of their lives – that’s because they default to surviving until surviving becomes a way of life – it’s Eric’s watchword. I would say within ten years, Sookie and Eric will find it hard to remember why they loved each other in the first place. At some point, Eric will hurt, humiliate and possibly torture a wayward Sookie, and see it as his right. There will always be the edge that Eric’s way is the way, that Sookie should follow it, because she agreed to turn. She doesn’t get to make her own rules when she’s a vampire.

For what it’s worth, Eric being like that will actually make him a “good” maker – he’ll be training an asset to the vampire world. One that will find out that she can survive a lot, and one who will quickly learn to recognise how to avoid getting correction. That’s why vampires do as they’re told with iron control – they’ve all learned to do as they’re told. That’s why they all hop on the floor immediately when Sookie yells in LDID – they’re used to following orders through the bond or through torture. Eric will be teaching Sookie all the skills to be a vampire, but Sookie doesn’t have the same fascination for politics that Eric has. I doubt she’s going to take it up as a way to power, but is more likely to opt out of political life like Bill has. She’s not a telepath any more, so she doesn’t have to bother with it.

Soon Sookie will no doubt decide that she’d like to see the world. By benefit of the fact that they’re not going anywhere, Eric and Sookie will lose the terrible urgency they once had – they’ll probably not see a problem if you spend ten years away out of a thousand. After all, why would spending a little bit of time away really make you think that you’re breaking up or doing anything so dramatic? Since things haven’t been great since Sookie was tortured, then maybe they should take a little break for a while. Sookie may stifle too much under the yoke of Eric’s authority – I mean it already happens with the bond, but with the bond she gets time off – he’s dead for the day – as a vampire, there’s no time off.  There’s no rush to be together before she dies, and Sookie would feel she could go away and come back later, and pick up where they left off.

After all, if your monarch is willing to torture you and possibly rape you, then there’s really no point in staying in Louisiana, and never have adventures. If bad stuff is going to happen anyway, you might as well expand your other interests and leave the scene of all the bad things that happened to you. Eric loves politics, so the politics and adventure make him happy to stay put. Plus, he’s already roamed around and seen a lot of the world – he knows what it feels like to be a Crusader. It’s not as if he went from the Viking era and magicked himself to Shreveport to wait for 900 years for Sookie. Not so for Sookie – she likes adventure, and she’s never going to get that stuck in Louisiana all of her life.

In the scenario where Sookie turns for Eric, she would soon realise that everything Eric wants, and makes him happy is not what she wants to spend her eternity doing. Since being a vampire is supposed to be an improvement, Sookie would want to do things she couldn’t do before, with all that new time she has. Eric has seen the world and chosen to settle down. Sookie hasn’t. By this stage, Eric and Sookie barely remember why it is they liked each other in the first place anyway. There’s little evidence that an Eric who gets everything he wants is going to be able to keep Sookie around to spend her time in her old farm house. She’ll want to see the world all by herself and settle into her newborn vampire persona – which has changed over time due to trauma.

Now, of course, Sookie could choose to go anywhere – I think as an ex-telepath she’d choose big cities – somewhere to get lost in the crowds. It’s something she hasn’t been able to do before, and it’d be exciting and allows her to lose herself.  It also means that there’s less vampire hate. So, I see Sookie travelling around. Of course, as a relatively young vampire, she’ll be preyed upon by older male vampires, and probably end up having sex with the Sheriffs and such – and it will be such a coup to fuck the telepath who saved vampires at Rhodes. It’s have sex or be raped – there’s no opting out of it – so I’d say that out of expedience, Sookie will learn to go with it.

I would say that Sookie would probably think about turning to female vampires, or to humans as a sexual preference. Merely because it’s not such a threat to her if she’s a repeated victim of sexual assault. There’s kind of a reason why all those female vampires turn to women – women aren’t as liable to be sexually threatening. There’s no rules about vampire pledging to do with fidelity – particularly not to limit vampire sexuality – human sexuality might be a different matter. I doubt Sheriffs or rapists care about your fidelity anyway.  In fact, Sophie Anne says about ordinary pledgings:

You understand, a wedding between vampire rulers is not
a love match, where much can be forgiven?

Definitely Dead,
p. 242

So in an ordinary love match, Sookie would doubtless sleep with other people, so would Eric, and they’d call it even. If they want to separate after a hundred years, I’m sure that’d be cool. She probably wouldn’t have to go back to Eric once a year if she was a vampire – again, much can be forgiven. So unless Eric wants to be a dick and rape Sookie himself, then he’d probably just leave her alone and not force the issue.

If it makes you feel any better, all this time travelling around, getting blood and having sex with lots of people, Sookie would probably pick up some nifty sex tricks. It would probably be in her best interests to learn all about how to get various guys off, just so that they leave her alone quicker. If they have any fetishes, she’d probably need to indulge them as well. Sookie would get very fluid about her sexual preference very quickly, just like Eric and Pam have. She’d have to scab up the trauma and find ways to survive it – after all, she’s not going to die from being raped – and by this time, she’s in the habit of surviving.

But, after twenty or so years of roaming, I’m sure Eric would end up calling Sookie to him because he’s reminiscing about the old days when Sookie was warm and loving. And he does love her, even if he made believe that this could ever work out. So she’ll come home, they’ll catch up, probably spend some time together. Eric’s wants in the hierarchy have always been higher than hers, due to the fact that he’s her Maker, but now Eric will probably want her to stay a little while. Of course, Sookie would like it at first, but after a couple of years with Eric, she would chafe under the control she used to have, and now loses under Eric, so she’ll want to leave again.

I predict many knockdown drag out fights, until Sookie just stops resisting, and Eric loses his taste for submissive Sookie and lets her go. In fact, from a woman who’s high handed and stubborn, and married a stubborn arse man, I can tell you the one way we get under each other’s skin is making out like we’re doing what we’re told. I actually like some resistance and fire in my husband, and if I go “geisha”, bowing my head in his presence and looking at my demurely folded hands, awaiting commands, my husband goes batshit crazy within five minutes. It’s as good as taking a cat swimming – drives him mad. Submissiveness in a partner when you’re used to resistance and someone giving a shit about what you’re doing gets under the skin of people like that. I tease my husband with it all the time. 😀

So I predict, similar to us, this will cause some of the shine to go off the relationship for Eric, because he’s used to Sookie resisting. He’s not going to take kindly to his new Stepford wife, who does as she’s told, and no longer really shares with him – because when you’re doing what you’re told, you don’t tend to share. He’s not really going to see it coming – otherwise he wouldn’t want her to be a vampire. The fact that he does, doesn’t spell well for their relationship when they are vampires. If Eric’s thought about it at all, then he probably either thinks he can control this and not do it (and I’ve established previously if Eric had control over his emotions he wouldn’t have fallen for Sookie) and he can make it different; or he’s thinking that it will happen and an undead ambivalent Sookie is worth more than a happily dead and fulfilled Sookie.

Finally, Eric and Sookie would end up like Eric and Pam. They wouldn’t have a love relationship any more, because eventually Sookie would realise that Eric wasn’t thinking about her when he wanted her to turn – he wasn’t honest with her or himself – and was thinking more about himself.  Eric has 1000 years of being in the vampire world, and since he didn’t resist her want to turn, and he’s old enough to know better, Sookie will see that decision as selfish and deceptive – putting the breaks on her feelings of complete devotion to him.  Eric probably wouldn’t replace Sookie with someone immediately – not like Sookie Mark II, but Sookie would probably end up having a long term relationship with a human, being that she’s more amenable to being with humans – Pam finds it easier to deal with relationships than Eric does – and actually has love relationships whereas Eric finds it harder, due to his greater disconnection with modern humanity.

Like Pam, Sookie would try to keep abreast of how humans are thinking, and will read all the lonely hearts columns – so that she’ll be able to prey better on the lonely and desperate. That’s who Sookie will end up dating – the lonely and desperate humans.  I mean, you know that’s why Pam does it right? She’d never bother trying to woo and eat someone like me – better to go for someone vulnerable – they’re not nearly as much work as I would be. That’s why they read those columns and keep up with the modern world – so they can better manipulate the lonely humans around them for eating and fucking apart from fangbangers. It’s not so they can woo their perfect love match – it’s so they can use the lonely, the poor, the disadvantaged.

So within fifty years, the relationship that Sookie and Eric have will be completely historic. Even those who reference Sookie and Eric’s “playful” relationship in the early books completely ignore stuff that Eric said to her – like the torture stuff. As Sookie herself said, she liked Eric…when she wasn’t afraid of him. Being a vampire gives Sookie reasons to be afraid, to scab up her trauma, to be cold. Moreover, it gives her reasons to be afraid of Eric.

While I’m here, I’d like yet again to put paid to anyone who says you can “release” your child. That’s retarded. It was only a symbolic gesture –  “I release you” on True Blood. That doesn’t have to mean that it’s some bizarre ritual that removes the ability to control a child – it is just words. It doesn’t take away the power that blood has over a vampire child.  If that had any meaning, then Bill never would have had to go back to Lorena, and she wouldn’t have been able to control him as his maker. This is pure fantasy born of wishful fan thinking, and it’s not even mentioned in the books. Eric can’t release Sookie excepting giving her a stake through the heart. The maker child bond never dies.

Eventually like Thalia, Eric will lose his lust for life, and end up getting careless (because there’s no bone in Eric’s head that wants suicide) in a fight, and he’ll die, leaving Sookie free, and waiting around for herself to wind down. Eric has a thousand years of considerable trauma in his psyche – all before he met Sookie. He’s definitely going to lose the lust for life between 2500-3000 years. That’s when all the other vampires seemingly stop giving a shit, and there’s no one who is 4000 years old yet. Sookie will be almost the identical version of the Eric we meet in the first book 1000 years old, and cold as a stone. Even if she wanted to, she wouldn’t be able to reinvigorate him. She’s more likely to find her own version of Sookie, and leave Eric to be an old grump in the corner.

So this is my thought exercise on what would really happen to Sookie if she were to turn vampire because she loves Eric. It would be a pointless exercise in futility that will ruin their relationship, not one that will end up sustaining them for many more milleniums, as is the fantasy offered in fanfic. It’s not really romantic, well because having your husband kill you and bring you into a world of murderers, and the worst of the criminal element to survive a long time isn’t very romantic at all. There’s no way to make it romantic, unless you ignore the nature of vampires. No one seriously believes Eric as a 23 year old man is as cold as he is as a 1000 year old vampire, right? No, of course they don’t. He didn’t get that way by accident. None of them did, and none of them are particularly happy chappies.

If you’ve read Dead in the Family, you’ve seen the fundamental changes in Sookie after one bout of torture. More bouts of torture make you more and more like that. Even over the course of the books, Sookie becomes a little bit colder and less forgiving, thanks to her time spent being beaten up by vampires and being robbed of special things (like your first love) by vampire schemes. Putting her in that world full time isn’t going to make Sookie a happy girl. No vampire has contact with only one vampire, and Sookie isn’t going to be any different. This isn’t Twilight people – you can tell cause it makes fucking sense and has no triple negative sentences designed to cause brain damage. So that means stupid vampire babies and an eternity of frolicking in the forests eating bears doesn’t exist – her eternity would suck big time. Vampire Sookie would rightfully be called Undead Suckie.